Comments on The 3 R's Blog // Reading, 'Riting, and Randomness: The "responsible" child (?) - A parental perspecti...

Have hugely enjoyed reading these other comments.I...

2007-09-09T20:41:00.000-07:00

Have hugely enjoyed reading these other comments.

I do agree with maryp that people "nowadays" seem to think that adulthood is something bad and to be avoided.

What the. . . .?

Adulthood is GREAT. Independence is wonderful. Yes, it can be scary--it is scary--but you get to manage your own destiny. The whole time I was a child I wanted nothing more than to grow up (isn't that what we all wanted?) and now that I am all grown up. . . .well, I have never looked back.

This may be just me, though.

One last thought: Many parents may actually want their kids around. There's that whole empty nest syndrome thing. We want to feel needed. So, as you say, Florinda, maybe some of us encourage neediness in our kids. I think this does them a great disservice.

bubandpie - I always appreciate the perspective yo...

2007-09-07T13:02:00.000-07:00

bubandpie - I always appreciate the perspective you offer. It is true that there are cultural factors involved, and extended family all under one roof is the norm in other places (my own mother's family, for one).

A good friend of mine had a similar experience to yours - moving back to her parents' home after her first marriage ended. I think returning to the "nest" due to a setback of that kind after several years away isn't quite the same thing as what this writer was talking about - and I'd make my son welcome in similar circumstances. What got to me - and my commenter MaryP, apparently - was the writer's seeming attitude of disregard for the parents in advocating going back home after college.

I moved back home for a couple of years after my d...

2007-09-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

I moved back home for a couple of years after my divorce - I'd been out of the house (for most of the year, at least) for eight years at that point. It was a really good experience, one I look back upon fondly - and my mom still expresses nostalgia for those days, as awful as they were at the time.

I don't think there are hard and fast rules here - in many cultures, there is never any expectation that adult children and their parents live separate lives. My ex-grandmother-in-law lived with her daughter's family in her old age - that's an option too. A lot depends on the personalities involved, the space available, and the lifestyle. (While I was living at home, for instance, my parents were able to vacation more comfortably than usual because they knew I'd be there every day to keep the cats company!)

MaryP - I share your indignation over that post, b...

2007-09-07T07:20:00.000-07:00

MaryP - I share your indignation over that post, but you expressed it SO much better - thank you! I think perhaps you might be a traditionalist yourself. As to this comment of yours - "Obviously, the writer thinks that university students are in an extended adolescence until they graduation. Strange, I'd always thought that the four or five years of university or college were supposed to be the transition from adolescence to adult." - I completely second it.

Ugh. As the parent of an almost- 22-year-old (who ...

2007-09-07T06:29:00.000-07:00

Ugh. As the parent of an almost- 22-year-old (who is living on her own after having graduated university), and an 18-year-old who is living at home while he works and takes a gap year before attending post-secondary school, I am acutely annoyed by the article.

"Responsible?" In that entire article, there is not one single reference to the parents in this equation. No acknowledgement that it's their home, too. No awareness that, having had their child out of the house for four or five years, they might prefer to preserve their hard-earned parental autonomy. How "responsible" can it be to simply assume one can return to the nest as a chick, without any reference to the needs and realities of the people who OWN the nest?

The self-absorption is appalling. It's not "responsibility" he's describing here, it's expediency and sheerest self-interest.

And the comment: So why do we still try to go from adolescent to adult in a matter of weeks or months? Obviously, the writer thinks that university students are in an extended adolescence until they graduation. Strange, I'd always thought that the four or five years of university or college were supposed to be the transition from adolescence to adult.

It's a pathetic rationalization of a fundamentally unhealthy dynamic, says me. If we're adolescents until our late twenties, that's a whole decade frittered away. Why would parents encourage extended childhood in their adult-age children? Oh, that's right: because we see childhood as nirvana and adulthood as something bad.

Why, oh why are we so afraid of adulthood in this culture?

Yup, I'm annoyed.

WG - I think in some cases it seems OK to young ad...

2007-09-06T14:15:00.000-07:00

WG - I think in some cases it seems OK to young adults to delay their independence from their parents because their parents aren't exactly encouraging it.

Now, I think my son and I have a good relationship, and I'm pretty sure he thinks so too - but at this point we both feel that "on his own" is exactly where he should be. But as I said, we may both be traditionalists on that score - and I think about this subject quite a bit myself.

I think about this topic a LOT.I try to understand...

2007-09-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

I think about this topic a LOT.

I try to understand how a "young person today" feels. How it can seem okay to him/her to be dependent on parents into young adulthood.

On the bright side, it perhaps means that parent/child relationships are at an all-time high for closeness. Kids and parents truly want to be together. Isn't that sweet?

Back in the day, we wanted "out" because life at home was in many ways less than ideal. By which I mean, you had to abide by your parents' strict rules. We wanted to be free! And we were not friends with our parents, not in the way kids are now.

On the not-bright side, I worry we are raising a less-resilient generation. Knowing that you can take care of yourself is a wonderful feeling to have. Knowing you can live perfectly fine sleeping on a mattress on the floor and eating rice and beans is empowering.

Every generation thinks it is different. Every generation proclaims its uniqueness. But. . . . you see my point!