Via e-mail from my aunt, a retired New York City teacher:
Kids Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
One of Jennifer Weiner's favorite jokes:
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit:
"May I see the new baby?' I asked.
"Not yet,' she said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' she said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
"No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
"WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
"WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
"May I see the new baby?' I asked.
"Not yet,' she said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' she said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
"No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
"WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
"WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
Now, what was I doing?, via Not Always Right
Bookstore | Gainesville, FL, USA
Customer: “Hello?”
Me: “Hello ma’am, this is **** Bookstore. I’m calling to let you know the book you ordered has come in.”
Customer: “What? You’re who?”
Me: “This is **** Bookstore. You ordered a book from us and it’s here.”
Customer: “I ordered a book?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “I don’t remember ordering anything.”
Me: “The order sticker says you ordered it last week. The title is Improving Your Memory.”
Thanks to everyone who contributed to Gypsy's total of 12 votes in A Novel Menagerie's "Beautiful Baby Contest" - she didn't come in last, and she did receive an honorable mention:






Memphis may be best known among readers these days for its part in John Grisham's early fiction. Grisham is originally from the northwest Mississippi area that bumps up against the Memphis city 



