Home for the holidays

For the first time in awhile, I will be preparing both Thanksgiving and Christmas Day dinners in my own kitchen this year, and I’m looking forward to it. Maybe I’ve had a long enough vacation from it, but it’s also because I actually enjoy being a host and getting to feed people. Besides, having the holiday gatherings on my turf gives me a lot more control over events, not to mention the menu. And we know it’s not difficult for the holiday season to get out of control – the food, the gift-buying, the socializing, and the management of expectations vs. reality.

I don’t come from a very big family, and for a number of years we’ve been geographically dispersed, so Thanksgiving usually included just the immediate family and no traveling; Christmas was either the same way, or else there were houseguests for a week. Even though I like traveling as a rule, during “the season” I’m fine with letting people come to me. For several years after my mother entered a nursing home with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, my sister (from California) and my dad (from Florida) came to Memphis to spend Christmastime with First Husband, our son, and me. Christmas Eve dinner was always Italian, in honor of family tradition on my mother’s side, and we didn’t really have a traditional Christmas Day menu, but we’re not big turkey fans. Our usual Thanksgiving dinner included poultry that was not turkey (capon, duck, or even roast chicken) as our entree, dressing baked in the oven, vegetables and apple pie.

During the long slow breakup of my first marriage, many holiday traditions, particularly those involving houseguests, understandably went by the wayside. Since that period coincided with my mother’s death, my father’s moving to California, and my sister and her husband having their first child, not traveling during the holidays worked out for the best. After I moved to California myself, there was less travel required for almost everyone (except for my son, who was in college back in Tennessee and came west for Christmas each year). For the first few years, my sister’s in-laws were kind enough to include both my dad and me in their Thanksgiving plans. My sister hosted Christmas Eve dinner (still Italian) for our side of the family, and they went to her husband’s family on Christmas Day while our dad usually came to my place, where I made dinner for him, my son, and me. Being single can simplify your holiday arrangements.

What can make your holiday arrangements the opposite of simple is marrying for the second time, especially when both of you have kids from previous marriages, and adding custody schedules and new in-laws to the mix. The custody agreement between Tall Paul and The Ex specifies that the parent who has the kids for the major holidays (Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Easter) alternates annually, and he gets the “odd” years. The first year we were together was his year. His father had passed away in late September, and his parents’ home was where the extended family always gathered, so everyone headed there on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day to rally around his mother. “Everyone” included aunts, uncles, cousins, and various other old friends and relatives – including his ex-wife, which effectively meant that the kids had those holidays with both parents anyway, although it seemed that the emphasis was more on the kids having that time at their grandparents’ home, as they were accustomed.

That tradition was shaken a bit last year, though, when Thanksgiving and Christmas Day were “mom’s,” and she didn’t bring them to their grandma’s for Thanksgiving. They did go down there on Christmas Day, but most of the extended family didn’t, so it was a much smaller gathering. This year is “dad’s” again, but a few things are different than they were two years ago. The weekend following Thanksgiving Day is not his, so the kids have to go back to their mom on Friday morning. Christmas Day falls on a Tuesday, both Tall Paul and I have to work the following day, and my son will be bringing his girlfriend out with him this year, so traveling just did not seem appealing in the face of all that. I’ve also realized I’ve missed cooking a holiday spread, and although I could bring things down to Mom-in-law’s and cook there – and granted, she has a fantastic dream kitchen – I’d like to do it in my own space. So Mom-in-law, and the kids, and my dad – and at Christmas, Chris and his girlfriend Jes, who will be facing us all for the first time (bless her heart) – will all be spending the holidays with Tall Paul and me at our place. (For the record, The Ex is welcome if she’d like to come, but I suspect she won’t.)

My menu plan for Thanksgiving Day looks back to my old not-so-traditional traditions – almost no one in my current family likes turkey either, so there will be baked chicken and dressing (I’ll make it in a crock pot instead of the oven this time – this dish is the reason I wanted to cook in the first place. I’ve really missed my dressing!). But some things will be different. There may be a salad instead of cooked veggies, baked macaroni and cheese instead of potatoes (hey, in the South, mac and cheese is considered a “vegetable”!), and I have promised the kids pumpkin pie. I haven’t started to think about what to make for Christmas Day dinner yet, but I know where I’ll be cooking it, and I’m glad we’ll be at home for the holidays this year.

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2 comments

  1. What time should I arrive? Just kidding. For the last several years, my husband and I haven’t really celebrated Thanksgiving. My husband inevitably has to work the day after Thanksgiving and so traveling, which we would have to do to get together with most of our family, is out of the question. Me host Thanksgiving? Haha! Maybe in the next millennium.

    Occasionally we do travel for the Christmas holidays to be with family, but we kind of enjoy just staying home and having it be the two of us, which seems to be our pattern in recent years. Our work schedules just don’t make it easy for us to get out of town. My folks and his folks are welcome to come here, of course, but they rarely do because of siblings or extended relatives they need to spend the holidays with. If they do come, we eat out, which makes clean up easy.

    Sometimes I miss the family get togethers, but when we do get to have them, I’m always wishing they’d hurry up and be over. LOL

  2. Literary Feline – We’ll probably have dinner mid-afternoon, so if you’re in the neighborhood, stop by! 🙂

    I actually don’t get the day after Thanksgiving as a holiday from work (my husband does), but I asked for it as a vacation day well in advance.

    There are definitely some nice things about an intimate holiday at home – as you say, sometimes those big family gatherings are just a bit exhausting!